


Disentanglement

by wistfulpisces



Series: 221 Word Drabbles [9]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bisexual John, M/M, POV John Watson, Pining, Pining John, but it's more directly referenced here, like he's bi in most of my fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 14:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14114667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wistfulpisces/pseuds/wistfulpisces
Summary: John misses Sherlock. He still lives with him, works cases with him, but things are different. He wonders why he enforced this kind of distance, why he thought he would be happier if he wasn't in love with his best friend.





	Disentanglement

I hate how much my feelings have affected our friendship. I miss you. I miss the way we were. I don't want us to grow apart.

I tried to date for a while, to focus on the wonders of soft curves and floral perfume, generous smiles and euphonious laughter, but you take up so much of me that I could never properly commit. You inhabit more of my mind and my heart than even I could fathom: your thoughts live in my head, your selectively-natured affection, too. _Don’t make me compete with Sherlock Holmes._ I shouldn’t have; everyone else is secondary.

I know my friends are disappointed because there is no solution if the obstacle preventing my happiness is myself. They think this thing is simply intense fondness, simmering away, perpetuated mostly by maintained exposure. I won’t correct them.

They’re wrong, though.

Things have changed – noticeably so. I miss how close we used to be. I think I've distanced myself more than I'd intended to, so the space I created in some attempt at repression began to disentangle us and the very fabric from which our friendship is fashioned. Why did I think I’d be happier not being in love with you?

There’s tension between us now. We stand with arms outstretched and muscles straining, trying desperately to regain what was.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: this ficlet and part 8 of the series (whispers of recognition) were originally one piece. I think I much prefer them separated and elaborated on.


End file.
